Hurting A Friend Sucks

For the past few days I’ve been absent from the online world; Twitter, Facebook, online dating sites, IM, everything.  I had a lot on my mind after my not-as-anonymous-as-I-would-like Twitter account was found by a friend of mine, and her realization that a tweet I had made was about her; a not so flattering tweet.  The tweet hurt her feelings, and that upset me.  So for the past few days I’ve been busy considering what to do with my identity — keep it or let the whole thing go — and trying to figure out if this whole “writing a blog” thing was worth it.

The main reason I wanted to be anonymous here on my blog and on Twitter was so that I would feel I could write anything without concern of who would read it.  I was more concerned about the people I already knew in “real” life finding it than I was concerned with the reverse; the online community finding my real identity.  I wanted to ensure that my rants about my ex, or people I’ve gone out with, discussions about my family tree, and more, were not seen by those people; especially the ex.  I wanted to be able to vent openly and honestly.  I still want to.

What Happened
My Twitter & blog name weren’t new.  I had actually used something close to it before on other websites.  Unfortunately, when @freshstartdad appeared in a Follow Friday post on Twitter, the tweet was seen by this friend because someone she follows was mentioned in it as well.  My name was close enough to what I previously used that it looked familiar to her.  She got curious, looked at my tweets, and saw one that she thought was about her.  This does not mean I shouldn’t be included in follow friday posts…just so you know. 🙂

It really upset me that my words hurt my friend, and it took me over two days to write an apology to her.  I didn’t feel that any apology would be enough, but hopefully we’ll be okay.

What’s Next
The question remained: what should I do?  Should I stop writing/tweeting?  Should I exercise some restraint in what I say?  I don’t want to do either of those.  I’m enjoying doing this blog and I’ve been writing more on other sites as well.  I feel like I’ve found a forum where I can discuss topics that I actually know about and where I have experience; divorce, dating after marriage, being a single-dad, and whatever other minutia I know about.

If I don’t stop, two other options are to password protect both my blog and Twitter, or change my name on those sites.  I don’t really want to put passwords on things and “protect” stuff.  That could very easily hurt a friendship as well since they may think the protected post is about them; even when it’s not.  Changing my name seems like it would just be a bandage.  If someone stumbles upon my blog or tweets again under a new name and they actually know me in real life, they would be able to figure out pretty quickly that it’s me.

The last option (I could think of) is to simply continue writing whatever I damn well want to write and consequences be damned.  It’s a nice thought, but I think I would be more restrained even if only sub-consiciously; hopefully not too much.  It’s the option I’m going to go with though, because like I said, I’m enjoying this.  I hope I don’t hurt anyone again too severely with my words, and if I do I should be spanked for it.

Excuse me now… I have a few days of tweets and other’s blogs to catch up on.


About Fresh Start Dad
Early forties, divorced dad of two teenagers, surviving back in the single world. Here to share stories and any survival skills I pick-up a

2 Responses to Hurting A Friend Sucks

  1. Sarah Baram says:

    Continue writing. As Nike would say, “Just do it.” Yes, you hurt her feelings, so say “sorry” and move on. I highly doubt you meant whatever comment it was in malice, and it was merely a lapse of judgement in 140 characters. If she’s anything of grown up status, she will understand that and be able to look past it. Don’t make one mistake influence the rest of your writing life. You should not have to rework the way you write, and under what name because of one minor mistake. We all make them, we learn to live with them. With just a tiny bit of compromise, such as keeping friends out of the picture, you will be just fine.

  2. Pakhet says:

    Writing under a psuedonym has its benefits but it is still out there, even though my private twitter is protected. I have had many conversations about this privacy issue with others. Last year after I sort of complained about my then boyfriend on my public twitter, I learned that his best friend followed me. Um, woops! hence Pakhet was born. There is no simple answer to this, but having a forum to exchange the trials and tribulations of dating is a good release, even if I have to filter Pakhet a little too….

    As for hurting your friend, that sucks. No one wants to do that, but if she’s a good friend she’ll understand.

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