And So It Begins

There are some events that have occurred in my life that are very easy for me to recall.  They are memories that give me pleasure to recall, or that are a very significant point in my life. These events usually concern my children.  As we head into the final days of my daughter’s years in high school these events are flashing through my consciousness at an ever increasing rate, and I’m swimming a sea of emotions and memories.  Over the next couple of days I will be writing these memories of my life with her so far.

The Beginning

It’s the early ’90s. Donna and I dated on and off for a couple-few years. At one point she left me for someone else, abruptly moved out of her parent’s house and shacked up with another guy. I moved on, met someone, and moved out of the house I shared with friends Nick and Ryan to move-in with my then new then girlfriend. Although living with separate people and having no direct contact, Donna and I shared some overlap of friends, so I was aware of what was going on in her life.

It’s the early ’90s. Donna and I dated on and off for a couple-few years. At one point she left me for someone else, abruptly moved out of her parent’s house and shacked up with another guy. I moved on, met someone, and moved out of the house I shared with friends Nick and Ryan to move-in with my then new then girlfriend. Although living with separate people and having no direct contact, Donna and I shared some overlap of friends, so I was aware of what was going on in her life.In mid 1992 word began to spread that Donna had gotten pregnant, and that her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with the child.  She choose to move back home to her folk’s house, leaving the sperm donor.  Donna’s family had the sperm donor sign all the appropriate papers waving his parental rights and responsibilities.  (I simply cannot understand anyone that would ever give up a child of theirs.  Expect a rant on this in coming days.)

While that was going on I was existing off in my world.  I was content — not necessarily happy, but content — in the life I had.  I was living with Kellie and her daughter.  Kellie introduced me to bands I had never heard of, like Toad The Wet Sprocket, and she was outgoing and adventurous.  She and I had had gotten engaged, but with no firm date planned for a wedding.  I had a decent job with full benefits at a big local company, and a good circle of friends.  I don’t recall bumping in to Donna at all during her pregnancy, as she was mostly keeping to herself and not circulating with friends.

It was a night in early December and Kellie was heading out with her girlfriends.  Kellie’s daughter was at her grandfather’s, so I was on my own for the night.  I rang up my old roommates to see what they were doing, which wasn’t much, and they invited me over just to hang out.  I had heard that Donna’s baby had arrived earlier that week so before heading out I gave her a call to say congratulations.  She was very rushed at the moment and couldn’t talk.  She said if I wanted to stop by then I was welcome to do so, and then had to go.

Since Donna’s house was on the way and around the corner from Nick and Ryan’s , decided to stop by and say hi.  Pulling up I saw Donna sitting on the front porch with her sister.  She asked if I wanted to see the baby, and of course I said yes. (Does anyone ever say “no”?)

It wasn’t a big moment for me.  This was my ex-girlfriend’s daughter.  A child that was conceived with the guy Donna had left me for.  At the time there was no emotional attachment to Donna or her child; no feelings for this new life.  But now… now that moment is different.

Looking back now, my memory shows me that my mind saw something different than what my eyes thought I saw at the time, something I had no idea existed then.  I was staring at a future.  A child that I would watch grow and develop.  Gain wisdom and knowledge.  Someone I would teach to swim, take to school, have awkward conversations about boys, and someone that I come to love, protect, and cherish.  I had no idea that at that moment I was staring at the child that would become my daughter.

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About Fresh Start Dad
Early forties, divorced dad of two teenagers, surviving back in the single world. Here to share stories and any survival skills I pick-up a

One Response to And So It Begins

  1. T says:

    Aw! Can’t wait to read more!

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